Facing Miscarriage with Lorna Rose

Lorna Rose was three-months pregnant when a routine blood test revealed a genetic disorder in her unborn child which carried a high risk of miscarriage at any point in the pregnancy. The daily grieving led to finding her voice as a poet and writer. EPISODE SUMMARY  Part I As an older mother, Lorna had a blood test three-months into her pregnancy to screen for any potential problems  The test came back positive for a genetic disorder, Turner’s Syndrome Lorna lives in a smaller town in the state of Washington, and the medically complex cases are sent to a larger hospital in Seattle In the week between the initial diagnosis and the first appointment in Seattle, Lorna wrote a powerful poem, "//www.literarymama.com/poetry/archives/2017/10/congratulations-2.html (Congratulations!)” She describes that week turning to grief almost immediately and even thinking that it could be best to miscarry so that the child wouldn’t have "special needs" Lorna and her husband went to Seattle for the appointment and had a deep ultrasound which did not show any markers of Turner’s Syndrome  Lorna went back three other times for the ultrasound and they never saw markers for Turner’s - this gave Lorna confidence that it would be a mild case of Turner's Anger, sadness, anxiety, you name it, Lorna felt those emotions all mashed together and intentionally sat with those feelings Having her son, who was 2.5 years old at the time, was helpful knowing that he was healthy Lorna would “hide her bump,” not even wanting people to know she was pregnant Lorna shares the critical insight that she had to live in “both worlds,” one where she could dream about a full life with her child, and the other hardened in the reality that it might not work out Miraculously, Lorna’s daughter was born healthy - the Turner’s Syndrome diagnosis was a false positive   Part II After six-months of believing that her daughter could miscarry, she was born healthy with no signs of any genetic abnormalities Lorna is speechless, so much “wow,” and relief, and crying in her family with joy in this moment Lorna wanted to feel ok for having every emotion, including feeling guilty, or even wishing that she would miscarry, and she wrote a lot about the experience and life in general Through her writing, Lorna felt connected to other women who had gone through the same experience Lorna is thankful for the experience in the sense that it helped her find her writing  Lorna sheds a tear thinking back to the “Golden Hour” first hour with her child and their special connection Lorna can’t undo the experience but recognizes that through it, she gained empathy and a connection to women who have gone through similar experiences Pregnancy is complex and doesn’t always end up like it does in the movies and Lorna is hopeful that her writings will help bring the conversation into the light There’s a mold for pregnancy that it’s all a happy, shiny story but things can go wrong and women need to know it’s okay and ordinary   Part III Lorna found her voice (poetry, writing) in the six darkest months of her life Her daughter is almost five years old now, and loves hearing stories, especially the story of her being born Lorna reflects on this weird, dark, strange time in her life and notes that it brought her and her husband closer because they went through it together This piece of advice shows up time and time again in our stories: Don’t Google it Lorna gives advice to her younger self   QUOTABLES  "But the result that was most devastating for me was Turner's carried a high risk of miscarriage at any point in the pregnancy. We just we didn't know anything for a week. And that's when I started that poem."  "I think I was in shock for a few days and then it turned to: how do I do this? Like, how do people get through this? I don't know, it was kind of like walking on eggshells, because I just... we didn't know...